Sunday, July 27, 2008


Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of the date my loving mother took her last breath out of this world. As I look back on the year I think I have been just exisitng, living in a fog, knowing what I should be doing but also knowing I was not doing it, encouraging others to hold on and accepting encouragment from others to hold on myself. My family promised to get together twice a year as we had been doing the last years of Mom's life ~ for her birthday and for at least one holiday. We got together in March , went to her gravestie had prayer and song and on Sunday just like we had been doing for the last 10 or 15 years per her instructions we all piled into her church and sat on her pew as she would have had it. For Thanksgiving we had dinner at the family home and again went to her gravesite and had family prayer and song. These past 365 days have been dark for Sylvina Marks Casmore's children but as I stood at her gravesite alone yesterday and sang "This Little Light of Mine" I prayed and the sun shined and I can could hear mama saying to all of her children as she did whenever something was not going right for us "Behind every dark cloud there is sunshine". I miss her and from this day forward I look forward to waking up and welcoming the sunshine.

Monday, July 21, 2008


It's a few minutes until a new day began and a day that may turn my world on a different course. I am having a not so routine mamogram in a few hours due to a lump found during my well woman checkup two weeks ago. This is not my first lump I have had several in the past which turned out to be fluid filled cyst and one just some fatty tissue. Yes I am hoping this is the same scenario for I am physically and mentally running on fumes right about now. My body is tired from the constant moving trying to survive and my mind is tired from overworking it making things happen. A test of faith I am not ready for but will survive it for I do believe and trust that all things work for the Good of the Lord and that the Lord will not put more on you than you can bear.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Love Of My Own

Etta James sings of A Love "Of My Own" isn't that what everybody wishes for. A lot of times we have these loves and don't think they of our own. I found some pictures today of A Love of My Own Ralph Rufus Odwin. Ralph passed away this year in NJ living with his new love.
Looking through this blog that I had forgot I had (360 Yahoo), I found several pictures of my friend Ralph. What fond memories I have of our time together. Ralph Rufus Odwin from New York. We met at a popular reggae club we both use to hang out in the 80's at in Houston, TX called The Carabana. Talk about partying, 3 for 1 drinks, live reggae bands nightly, dj spining dancehall in between and the floor staying packed. Ralph use to like to dance on the Soca songs and man did he dance till sweat was pouring off of him for a big guy. I watched him several times before I approached him to dance with him and a 20 year friendship/love affair was formed. I had the nerve to act like I didnt want to give him my number I was small at the time and wasn't attracted to large guys but I did and he eventually called. Although I was single and living along I didn't want him to come to my place so I agreed to meet him around the corner at a food place. We eventually started meeting at the club when he was off I found out he worked nights for the newspaper so he wasn't able to get off much and when he did he partied like there was no tomorrow. He wore shades all the time and later I found out one of his eyes was lazy so that was his cover. For years we partied together and when I had my daughter he would still encourage me to dance which I think helped me during that time of my life. Years later we decided to take the friendship to a relationship moving in together which didn't work. Ralph had treated me like a queen for so long I couldn't handle seeing the real Ralph which was a person pleaser who neglected taking care of his business as far as bills just to have a good time. He loved me! He told me his mom said I was the horse to win the race whether I won or not. I was slow but asked what she meant and he said mom means you will always be number one for me no matter how we end up. I now know that RALPH RUFUS ODWIN loved me but I just couldn't see it at the time. We split up but remained friends and for his 40th Birthday although he was with someone else we took a cruise to the Bahamas together. Later I went to New York to a convention and he planned his vacation there at the same time so I was able to see his home and places he grew up around while there. We motored back to Texas together that trip which gave us lots of time to talk about things. Ralph eventually moved from Texas, married and we didn't talk much. After his divorce he moved to Fla and then PA where he resided until his death. We had such a strong friendship and love for one another that we would both be glad when we would get a chance to talk and keep up with each other. Ralph's health started failing and he had numerous surgeries on his knees and hips. At one point he told me "girl I take so much medicine I wonder if all this can't keep me filled without food". I called him from an airport in Jackson, MS two weeks before he passed because I had seen someone that reminded me of him when he was smaller back in the 80's. He answered the phone not feeling well but once he realized it was me I can remember it seemed like he perked up but we didn't talk long because I knew he was not feeling well. Little did I know that that would be my last time to hear my friends voice. Ralph I miss our talks about life, living and Lauren.

Monday, July 14, 2008

One Hurdle Down A Friend Came To My Rescue

Tonight I was able to get my radiator hose replaced on my 93 Astro Van that has been a blessing to me. I would not be able to get around without it. It totes my sewing machines, my clothes, music, everything I need as I go from place to place working my part time jobs, going to quilt meetings, going on job interviews, mailing out swaps, and living life to the best I can at this time. My friend of over 20 years has been a big blessing to me. He has always been able to help me as a single parent with my cars, my home repairs, listening to me complain about my then teenager, and just sharing some good conversation and laughs about life. I called him about 12 and tonight at 7pm he was here to my rescue. What a blessing it is to have a good friend like Tony.

Swapping Like Crazy

The thing I think has kept me sane during this time in the jungle of life has been my swapping. I love swapping. So far I have only had one bad experience with swapping but all of the others have made up for it. As soon as I am through with one swap I probably have already signed up for another one. My online quilting group has gotten me addicted to fabric postcard swaps which is a darn good thing because it is forcing me to be more creative. Having a lot of time on my hands these last few months has given me the opportunity to make lots of quilt tops for my family and friends who are still waiting for the day they see my work in full completion.

Like A Jungle Sometimes I Wonder.....

Like a jungle sometimes I wonder How I keep from going under. I can remember us dancing and chanting this line from a popular song year ago not knowing that sometimes in life we were actually going to relate to it. Life has its way of making you question what next? I am unemployed, no medical insurance, heading into the age of 50(2010) and I have been having some freak falls. Lawdy Lawdy anybody in my situation does not need anything to keep them from going to work. No work, No Money, No Pleasures like getting a Lemon Berry Slush from Sonic during Happy Hour or a piece of the most beautiful fabric you have laid your eyes on that day(tomorrow it will be another piece).